Our Steelers are in the midst of another Super Bowl run, and the Idler is detecting just the slightest bit of discontent. Not in the team, but in the fight songs. Is the “Here We Go” song not doing it for you this time around? Need something a little more lyrical? With a little more substance? A little more – what’s the word – eclectic? No that’s not the word – how about offensive? Okay, insulting, yeah, that’s the word. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to vary the repertoire a bit. The old’70’s Steeler Polka might be worth updating, but meanwhile, why not try some new jingles on for size which we have gathered from various acquaintances who, like us, have too much time on their hands.
Let’s start off classy, with a number set to a classical melody, Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” from his Ninth Symphony, which, in honor of the late, great Myron Cope, we’d like to title:
Ode To Yoy!
Let’s go Steelers,
Let’s go Steelers,
Gridiron titans every one!
Kick their butts and
Spill their guts and
Spank them smartly on the bum,
Big Ben, a leader of men,
You’re 12 on a scale of one to ten
Make the call and throw that ball,
Your jersey’s sold out at the mall!
At the mall!
At the mall!
Your jersey’s sold out a-a-at the mall!
What about a selection that derives from one of the all-time great musicals, “West Side Story”, but refers, not to the Jets, but to that most repulsive of AFC East gangs:
The Pats Song
When you’re a Pat,
You’re a Pat all the way,
Which you’ll always regret,
‘Til your last dyin’ day,
If you’re a Pat fan,
You’re probably drunk,
Little boy, you’re a man,
Little man you’re a punk,
The Pats are in fear,
They’re gonna take a beatin’
But this much is clear,
There’s no point in them cheatin’
If you happen to be in Beantown this weekend, and find yourself in a piano bar, ask if you can render this favorite from “Casablanca.” Just be prepared to duck when you sing:
As Shazier Goes By
You must remember this,
A blitz is still a blitz,
A sack is still a sack,
Tom Brady won’t accomplish jack,
Flat on his back
Trini Lopez was famous for singing “If I had a Hammer”, but many people forget he also had a bell:
If We Had a Le’Veon Bell
Since we have a Bell,
We’ll run him in the morning,
We’ll run him in the evening,
All over your field,
He’ll ring out a big gain,
He’ll ring out a touchdown,
He’ll ring out the diff between
The Steelers and the Patriots
All-all, over this land
The Whiffenpoofs, a century-old Yale a cappella group, use this ballad as their traditional closing number, which we might adapt to close out the Pats’ season:
The Whiffensplat Song
From the booth with Tunch & Billy
To the Red Zone down at Heinz,
To the Southside practice field
They love so well,
Come the Steeler D assembled,
With their helmets raised on high,
And the magic of their singing
Casts its spell.
Linebackers, D-backs, off on a spree,
Bound from here straight to NRG.
Lord! Have mercy on Tom Brady,
Baa! Baa! Baa!
Finally, it might be time to show some overdue appreciation for a Steeler stalwart who has labored all season in relative obscurity. To the tune of Yesterday by the Beatles:
Football’s not an easy game to play,
Dare that Brady guy to throw your way,
Oh I believe in William Gay.
Suddenly, I’m like twice the fan I used to be,
Where’s that trophy for the AFC?
Oh, William Gay, you’re cool with me.
Any of you songsmiths out there, we welcome your submissions for use in the weeks leading up to the Super Bowl. That is, if we beat the Pats. If we don’t we’ll just have to do something else. Assuming life is still worth living.
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