“I hate when people say ‘Nice to meet you’ before I’ve said anything. How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m an ***hole.” – Jack Nicholson

Lately there appears to be some controversy surrounding the imminent inauguration ceremonies for incoming president Donald Trump. While we always strive to be non-partisan in political matters on the grounds that, in the great majority of heated political disputes, both sides are equally ridiculous, we think that once the election is over and one of the competing gangs of swindlers has prevailed, we ought to give them a chance to prove they’re not as bad as a considerable portion of the voting public were convinced they were.

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This is how these things were handled in the past. They’d hold the election, count the votes and declare the winner. Whoever won, everybody just folded their tents and went home. They swore in the  winner, he gave a speech and had a party. We all went back to the mill or to school or to the washing machine and busied ourselves with something else. You didn’t see Katherine Hepburn getting all jumping ugly two months after Ike kicked Adlai Stevenson’s butt. So why is everybody still so belligerent now? We blame:

Celebrities – Everybody says Meryl Streep is a great actress. We only ever saw her in one movie. It was a cameo in “Stuck on You”, a somewhat off-color comedy by the Farrelly brothers which may sound redundant. She plays herself, which a lot of your big stars often do, and does a respectable job at the end in a rendition of the Billy Stewart version of “Summertime.” It’s a Philly rhythm and blues adaptation that deviates somewhat from the original Gershwin score as it begins with, “Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…uck Chuck a-chuck-chuck, . . . huh! . . . yeah!” We guess it’s what you’d call creative license.

Anyway it was nice of the ninety some Golden Globe judges to give her a “Lifetime Achievement” award, but disappointing that she didn’t reprise “Summertime”.

Then there’s the acceptance speech which we expected to be a lot of thanking this one and that for making this award necessary, n at, but instead she goes all Nurse Ratched on someone who shall go nameless but who is nevertheless the most deranged, bigoted, loathsome dictator ever to come within two weeks of being sworn in as president. This seemed a little harsh to us, but we were willing go along. There’s nothing like a bit of peevishness and rancor to liven up a dull evening.

Then all of a sudden it dawned on us that she had gone from Trump-bashing to a discussion of what a gang of uncouth chuckleheads everybody but her and her buddies were for watching football. You know, maybe she’s onto something. Anybody want to watch “Florence Foster Jenkins” next Sunday around 1 PM?

Cable News – Now that the election is over these people just have way too much time on their hands. And you remember what your grandma said about idle hands.

Some of the “personalities” on these stations have an actual background in public unrest. The Reverend Al Sharpton, a fixture on MSNBC, is, whether fairly or not, widely considered to be a rabble rouser. Meanwhile on FOX News, former Bush campaign manager Karl Rove likes to whip Republican stalwarts into a frenzy. Ironically, both these characters were Trump opponents a year ago.

Meanwhile America’s former junior high sweetheart, Katie Couric, recently pulled in from Siberia, aka, Yahoo! News (inspired by Jonathan Swift, although not with the exclamation point) to drop in at her old job with the Today Show. And FOX News reader Megyn Kelly has jumped to NBC News. Both these news people are a lot easier on the eyes than Sharpton or Rove, and they almost have to be less annoying, so there’s hope there. Still it would be nice if something came up to distract them so they’d just shut up for a while about politics.

We don’t want to see anything bad happen, but what if there was an enormous hurricane that formed in the Atlantic, but after several weeks of threatening feints, turned out to sea. Meryl Streep would probably blame it on Trump inspired global warming and Trump would tweet that it was due to masses of hot air from Hollywood. All we can say is, take heart, fellow chuckleheads. We still have football.

Comments – DickVerbo@hotmail.com  Also, Like “The Idler” on Facebook

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