2016 is practically gone, and we can’t say we’re sorry to see it go. And that’s mainly because of the people it’s taken with it. We’re going to miss Arnie and the Man From Uncle. They were both pretty old, (87 and 83 respectively) but we sure would’ve liked to have them around a while longer. We’ll think of Arnie every time we drink a lemonade/ice tea, and of Robert Vaughn every time we watch “The Magnificent Seven” which is at least twice a year. Vaughn was the last of the original Seven. With Abe Vigoda and Ron Glass shuffling off, there aren’t many “Barney Miller” alumni left, and with George Kennedy cashing out this year, there aren’t many left from “Cool Hand Luke” either
Alan Rickman was one of the best villains ever (Hans in “Die Hard”) and also one of those wizardy guys in the Harry Potter franchise. You could chin yourself on that voice. John Glenn and Muhammad Ali were household names all over the world. We’re leaving out a lot of great people too.
So what were the 2016 highlights? Maybe we could pause a moment to take a look at the wreckage it’s leaving behind in the form of:
People Who Didn’t Leave – Not the ones who didn’t die just the ones who said they’d leave the country if their candidate lost. Sure, sure, they don’t have to actually go, but they could at least make a show of it. Go on vacation or something. Barbra Streisand could be just as obnoxious in Canada or Australia as she is in California. Cher and Jon Stewart said they would go to Jupiter, which is currently not possible but they could at least hang around the Johnson Space Center to make it look good. That way, when in the future people threaten to leave the planet if candidate X wins or loses, we won’t automatically assume they’re whack-jobs.
The Most Popular Element on the Periodic Table – For you Lincoln Place readers, this is not a table that you only use periodically, like when company comes over for the weekly fistfight and you need a place to stack the empties. Rather, it is a list of elements that Chemistry students try to learn right before they change their majors to Sociology. This year’s runaway winner is copper, known by its chemical symbol, Cu. Copper started out slow with occasional mentions by oddball cable show hucksters demonstrating how you can melt a bowling ball in a copper lined skillet and watch it slide right out and land on your co-host’s foot. They must have sold a lot of them (pans, not bowling balls) because a different outfit came along with a new and improved pan that featured “Red Copper.” Instead of melting bowling balls, though, they cooked up some great looking steaks and chops in them, which also slid right out but didn’t appear to land on anyone.
And remember how they used to sell copper bracelets and anklets and stuff to arthritis stricken suckers, er, we mean, seniors who believed that it had miraculous pain-relief properties? Well they’re back for another score with Tommy Copper clothing that has copper in the actual fabric. Don’t let your rich uncle wear any of this stuff in an electrical storm until you’re sure you’re in the will.
The New Most Interesting Man in the World – The old one was no bargain either, we suppose, and all the “interesting” things they showed him doing, like diving through a hole in the ice with a knife in his teeth, seem to have taken place when he was much younger. Still it was cool stuff, so you didn’t mind that the coolest thing he was doing currently was chatting up his granddaughter’s friends while getting hammered on Dos Equis. But the new guy? A) He’s kind of doofus-y looking; B) Kicking a coconut around is not that great a feat; C) We’re not impressed with him calling us “mis amigos” since Spanish is a subject we totally didn’t flunk in high school. Also there are no hot chicas in his commercial.
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