We’re nearing the end of the school semester and you students approaching Christmas break had better watch out. There’s always that one relative at a family gathering or wise guy at a party who will want to put the smart-aleck student to the test. They’ve all seen those bits on television where college kids don’t know what Columbus discovered (Ohio, right?) or what were the sides in the Civil War (the union and the management). The Idler is there for you with a quiz designed to hone your skills on current events:
Q. What is “Taiwan”?
1) A little known Chinese martial arts discipline in which combatants hurl knock-off laptops and cellphones at each other.
2) A good place to open a bar because you could name it, “Taiwan-On”
3) An island off the Southeast coast of China that was called Formosa for most of its life.
Q. Who was Fidel Castro?
1) Pirates minor league phenom who hit .421 at Altoona this year before getting in trouble with ICE
2) Vicious Latin American dictator whose oppressive regime made life miserable for millions of his countrymen and thousands of cigar fanciers for over 50 years
3) Secret identity of “Perro-Hombre”, the Spanish language super-hero equivalent of Batman whose super powers include frisbee catching and an uncanny sense of smell.
Q. What’s the deal with the Democrats?
1) Undaunted by the election results they’re consolidating their position as the party of elderly affluent white people in sensible shoes.
2) They have vowed to redouble their efforts to “stick it to the man” at fund raisers in Hollywood, Martha’s Vineyard and the Hamptons.
3) Their stable of future candidates is such that Joe Biden has launched an exploratory committee for a possible 2020 run.
Q. What’s the deal with the Republicans?
1) They’re trying to imagine what a State of the Union tweet might look like
2) They’re feverishly attempting to convince the president-elect that he cannot appoint a “Secretary of Tremendousness”
3) They’re planning to mollify the Chinese by surreptitiously including the hashtag #Just Kidding to future presidential tweets.
Q. Who is Jill Stein?
1) The Presidential candidate who’s not Hillary
2) Green Party presidential candidate who got 150 votes then demanded a recount
3) The TV lawyer who’s not Edgar
4) The climate alarmist who’d not Al Gore
Q. What’s your favorite Mayhem Guy commercial?
1) The one where he’s the cell phone the driver can’t reach.
2) The one where he’s wearing giant foam rubber #1 hands when he crashes into another car.
3) The one where he compliments the owner for buying the giant economy size charcoal lighter fluid right before his car blows up
4) The one where he’s Hillary’s Pennsylvania campaign manager
Q. Who is on President-elect Trump’s short list for the Supreme Court?
1) Diana Ross
2) Judge Judy
3) Mickey Rooney
4) Mike Judge
Q. What should be done about the building in San Francisco that is tilting?
1) Rename it the Papa John building so people could call it the Leaning Tower of Pizza
2) Turn it into a hotel so people could call it the Tiltin’ Hilton
3) In the interest of political correctness, rotate the foundation so that it’s leaning left
4) Use it as temporary housing for the homeless so people could call it Tramp Tower
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