“I have noticed that nothing I never said ever did me any harm.” – Calvin Coolidge

There’s been a lot of news lately, what with the big debate and the Steelers stinking up Philly worse than it already was. Lost in all the hubbub was the revelation, made last Friday in an FBI document dump, that not only did President Obama know about Mrs. Clinton’s private email server, he communicated over it using a pseudonym. While the mainstream media has glossed over this important story, we here at Idler Central have devoted all our powers of investigative journalism to uncovering some of the more pertinent emails for the benefit of our readership, many of which we may not have made up. Here, in no particular order, are some of the more noteworthy:



Earlier in this election year, the President, apparently in response to a request from the Clinton team, emailed:

TO:                  MyTurn@Clintonemail.com

FROM:                        Hail2dChief@DontAsk.gov

SUBJECT:      Curtains / window treatments

Michelle says you’ll have to measure them yourself. Any time after noon, 2/20/17 will be fine. Also, there’s plenty of room in the Lincoln bedroom for an iron lung. We had no idea your reclusive aunt was in such bad shape. P.S. Just between you “FLOTI”, past and present, she says tell Bill to stop trying to “interview” the interns during their shift change.


Later, under pressure from Congressional Republicans, Mrs. Clinton reached out to the President in an attempt to blunt the FBI inquiry into her private emails:

TO:                  Hail2dChief@DontAsk.gov

FROM:                        MyTurn@Clintonemail.com

SUBJECT:      Can a sister get a break?

Any chance you could tell the tall fellow (rhymes with “games homie”) or the short gal (rhymes with “poretta pinch”) that they maybe shouldn’t go crazy investigating THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE USA?

Did someone say, “legacy”?


It was not always easy for Hillary to keep her husband focused on his duties as first campaigner:

TO:                  DrillBill@Clintonemail.com

FROM:                        MyTurn@Clintonemail.com

SUBJECT:      Remember – Chagrin Falls Kiwanis Smoker next Thursday

Huma has your plane tickets. I don’t want to hear any complaints either. You know how much we need Ohio. Take out the garbage before you leave.


In a poignant moment, a former president seeks the assistance of a sitting president concerning a personnel matter.

TO:                  Hail2dChief@DontAsk.gov

FROM:                        DrillBill@Clintonemail.com

SUBJECT:      My Secret Service detail

I’m not complaining or anything. Just thought maybe you could rotate some of my regulars out and add a little “gender diversity”, if you get my drift. That little redhead on Biden’s detail would fit right in. BTW, regular tee time?


In a rare exchange between President and VP, the former touches on the latter’s gregarious nature in the context of official etiquette:

TO:                  KeepOnVeepin@DontAsk.gov

FROM:                        Hail2dChief@DontAsk.gov

SUBJECT:      Personal Request

Listen, Joe, I know how much you like your little jokes, but the White House Protocol officials are insisting that you refrain from asking foreign dignitaries to “pull your finger” at future state dinners. I know it kills in the Senate cloakroom, but hey, different strokes, am I right buddy? Your knock-knock jokes are still terrific though.


Later, a plaintive Vice President asks for a break in his hectic schedule:

TO:                  Hail2dChief@DontAsk.gov

FROM:                        KeepOnVeepin@DontAsk.gov

SUBJECT:      Blair House tour

Listen, boss, and don’t get me wrong, I love to lead the tours and everything, but the one for the Asbury Park Quilting Society, next Tuesday is scheduled for the same time as the SpongeBob marathon on Nickelodeon. I never learned how to operate that DVR, and the only Secret Service agent who could set it got transferred. Remember Tiffany? The one who looked just like Anne of Green Gables? I miss her. Anyway, you know that tall guy from the FBI? He doesn’t seem to have anything to do.


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