“Fade into Bolivian, I guess.” – Mike Tyson on retiring from the ring

There’s only a little over a week of Olympics left and Bob Costas still doesn’t have pink-eye so you might as well grit your teeth and start watching. Besides, the sports where you have to score to win are coming on more and more often. We like them better than the ones where a panel of judges decides on a winner. Don’t get us wrong, we’re entranced like everyone else by those tiny ladies bouncing around and turning flips, but the way they decide on the winner is pretty annoying. Don’t you hate it when you have to sit there scratching your head, wondering why the gymnast who fell off the beam ended up with a better score than the one who only sneezed on the dismount? Maybe there are deductions for stuff they do that we can’t see or hear but the judges can. “She definitely belched on that front handspring, Andrea. That’s going to cost her.” “Well she stuck the landing, Al, but they may penalize her a tenth of a point for snorting.” We can only speculate.

gymnast-fail

Meanwhile, let’s bring you up to speed on the games at roughly the halfway point with a short Olympic quiz:

  1. What is the meaning of the olympic motto, “Citius, Altius, Fortius”?

(a)        I came, I saw, I somersaulted

(b)        What do you mean you need another specimen?

(c)        Watch out for the clams at Gilberto’s

(d)        Pass the Deep Woods Off

  1. Given the fact that the players are 90% submerged, what is the most serious infraction in Water Polo?

(a)        Illegal use of hands

(b)        Illegal use of pliers

(c)        Horse drowning

(d)        Intentional Pantsing

  1. Why is Women’s Beach Volleyball such a popular sport?

(a)        It combines strength, timing, agility and teamwork in a seamless display of athleticism

(b)        You never know who will win, the extremely fit young women in the bikinis or the other extremely fit young women in the bikinis

(c)        You’re kidding, right?

(d)        The players aren’t distracted by offers for shoe endorsements

  1. What tipped off Olympics officials to the use of illegal performance enhancing drugs by the Russian team?

(a)        After-shave endorsements by Russian women shot putters

(b)        Russian weightlifter cleaned and jerked team bus in Rio parking lot

(c)        Amazon crocodile inadvertently killed by Russian javelin thrower in practice round

(d)        Olympic Village golf cart crushed into ball bearing in roid-rage incident

  1. What is the best name of the Olympics so far?

(a)        British equestrian William Speed Lane Fox-Pitt

(b)        Chinese gymnast Dong Dong

(c)        Russian swimmer Yulia Efimova

(d)        U.S. diver Steele Johnson

  1. What is the best graphic image of the Olympics so far?

(a)        Phelps face

(b)        Lily King finger wag

(c)        Aly Raisman’s nervous parents

(d)        Al Roker annihilating the samba

Please submit your answers by emailing to the address below. Winning entries will be eligible for the medal round. Finalists may be subject to drug testing.

Comments – DickVerbo@hotmail.com  Also, Like “The Idler” on Facebook

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