“There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.” – Will Rogers

Mrs. Idler: “You know, what you should be doing while the weather is nice is working in the yard.”

Me: “Yeah, this is the time of year I really look forward to. The initial back-breaking and totally boring part of the landscaping and gardening enterprise.

Mrs. Idler: “How about just turning over the garden with your tiller”

Me: “The tiller broke down last Spring, remember? I had to borrow your brother’s”

Mrs. Idler:  “So, borrow it again”

Me: “See, there’s a slight problem there. He’s got this kooky, nutty notion that I broke his tiller. Just because one of the tines flew off the first time he started it.

Plowing 04

Mrs. Idler: “You broke my brother’s tiller?”

Me: “You call that thing a tiller? It hit one tiny little pebble and practically disintegrated.”

Mrs. Idler: “You hit a rock with it?”

Me: “It lurched out of control and hit a smallish rock. Actually a concrete block.”

Mrs. Idler: “You ran his tiller into a concrete block?”

Me: “Also that starter cord was like a piece of spaghetti.”

Mrs. Idler: “Well you’ll just have to rent one.”

Me: “Maybe you could. They have my picture up on the wall at the rental place.”

Mrs. Idler: “Well what’s wrong with digging it up by hand? You get the mattock and the shovel, take your time, you’ll have it done in a couple of days.”

Me: “Oh, okay, I see how it is. You’re trying to kill me, right? Do you have any idea how many guys have the big one doing that kind of grunt work?”

Mrs. Idler: “Alright, alright. Then why don’t you plant some seeds? Buy some potting soil and get your tomatoes and peppers started.”

Me: “It always bothers me when I have to thin them. Some poor runty plant ends up in the garbage when it might just need a chance to blossom. Take the Notre Dame basketball team. They weren’t expected to accomplish much, but there they were in the Elite Eight of the NCAA finals.”

Mrs. Idler: “Just plant them. I’ll do the thinning”

Me:  “Well, I really do need to get ready for the Final Four.”

Mrs. Idler: “Why? All your brackets are busted.”

Me: “Everybody’s brackets are busted. Speaking of seeds, there’s only one #1 seed left.”

Mrs. Idler: “I know, I picked North Carolina”

Me: “Uh-huh, big deal, you picked a #1 seed.”

Mrs. Idler: “I also picked Syracuse, smart guy.”

Me: “Yeah, because you like the color orange.”

Mrs. Idler: “Oh, I missed that part of the instructions where you had to say why you picked a team. All this time I thought you just had to pick the right teams, which I just happened to pick two of. Also, Mr. Know-it-all, I didn’t even know North Carolina was a #1.

Me: “So why did you pick them?”

Mrs. Idler: “I love that shade of blue.”

Me: “Oh. Em. Gee.”

Mrs. Idler: “So I guess you picked them because you knew they were #1”

Me: “Not exactly.”

Mrs. Idler: “Because of their terrific record?”

Me: “That wasn’t it.”

Mrs. Idler: “You picked Notre Dame to upset them, didn’t you?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Mrs. Idler: “And Michigan State to win it all?”

Me: “Bingo.”

Mrs. Idler: “The shovel’s in the shed.”

Me: “Kinda looks like rain.”
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