I knew it was time to get off of reality TV when someone asked me if I sang as well as acted. -Ozzy Osbourne

By now, many of you may be thinking that the Idler’s life consists only of eating, drinking and sports. This is a common misconception and could not be further from the truth. Okay, if you included beekeeping in there it could be further from the truth. Or line dancing, I mean, forget about it.

But no, the Idler is a many faceted individual, a Renaissance man if you will, who once even went to a Renaissance fair and tossed off several flagons of something extremely Renaissance-y called “mead.” We don’t remember much after that and awoke, thankfully, in the twentieth century, fifty dollars light and missing a crown. The dental, not the royalty kind. But that will be the subject of another column once the appeals process has been exhausted.


The Idler’s other area of interest is, of course, entertainment, both the kind involving fiction and also non-fiction. In fact, where television is concerned, we’d like to see the occasional reversal of the categories. Take the drama “Lost.”  Stranded on a desert island and having adventures that concern your pre-flight life? Not very realistic. We think it would work better as a reality show, one that concerned itself with the concept of “lost” as it applies to everyday people:

Lost  In the premiere episode, Dad’s keys become lost, even though he put them right there on the end table, the same place he puts them every evening when he gets home from work, so why the heck wouldn’t they be there unless somebody “borrowed” the car without asking. Answer him that. Also, Grandma’s glasses become lost but everybody’s pretty sure she left them at the bingo again.

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“South Park” could have broader local appeal if it accurately reflected the goings-on in our County park system:

South Park   Stan & Kyle attempt to reserve a grove for the 4th grade picnic but Cartman delivers the request to the wrong County official who goes on disability the following day and leaves it in a drawer. Kenny gets a job as a stable boy but is rumored to have died in a freak manure accident.

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The “CSI” franchise keeps growing and growing but the plots are becoming less and less believable. A true-to-life edition with realistic local themes would be a sure-fire winner:

CSI Munhall   The CSI team arrives in the battle-scarred Munhall Council chambers where coffee-spatter analysis reveals a possible assault and battery case while DNA sequencing discloses the area where a certain document may or may not have been lodged.

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Then there’s the plight of second-tier political candidates who can’t seem to break through to the front pages of newspapers and the lead stories on televised news

Dr. Who   A famous physician, now running for president, finds out that you don’t have to be a brain surgeon to dominate the national news cycle, you have to be bumptious, motor-mouthed billionaire.

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What was that noise? Ordinary people have this discussion every day and it’s a lot more exciting than 4 or 5 nerds going on and on about their pathetic social lives:

The Big Bang Theory   You’re hanging around the garage one day when suddenly everyone hears a loud noise. Your one neighbor says it sounded like a car backfiring, but your brother-in-law says that now that almost all cars have fuel injection rather than carburetors, it’s impossible for a car to backfire. Also, it sounded more like a firecracker, probably one of those M-80s they sell down south. But your other neighbor says that it may not technically be backfiring, but cars can still have unburned fuel igniting in the exhaust system and causing an explosive sound. Then your father-in-law says he didn’t hear anything and turns up his hearing aid.

Comments – DickVerbo@hotmail.com  Also, Like “The Idler” on Facebook

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