“I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.” – George Burns

A week or so ago, we read this news report:

“The chief singer and songwriter of the extremist group, ISIS has been killed in airstrikes in eastern Syria, CBS News’ Khaled Wassef reports. Maher Meshaal, also known as Abu Hajar al-Hadrami, a Saudi National, was killed Saturday in airstrikes south of the city of Al Hasaka. Meshaal is the author of jihadi hymns such as ‘Saleel al-Sawarem’ and ‘Halomoo Halomoo O’ lions of war,’ which are regularly played as background music in combat and execution videos released by ISIS.”

I know what you’re thinking, “ISIS had a songwriter?” The Idler isn’t exactly a hep cat when it comes to modern music but we’d bet the rent “Holomoo Halomoo O’ lions of war” isn’t climbing the Billboard charts. I mean even if it had a good beat, where Maher Meshaal comes from, they’d shoot you for dancing to it. Of course, the Idler’s dancing style has been known to inspire the occasional episode of gunplay, but they’ll usually put them away once they’ve made their point.

Sicide bomb

It’s always been a challenge to figure out what makes these people so bat-poop crazy. Just when they’ve shocked the conscience of the world with one inconceivable atrocity, they’ll spring another even wackier one seemingly as an afterthought. It occurs to us that maybe listening to  ‘Saleel al-Sawarem’ all day has pushed them over the edge. We hate to speak ill of the dead but their now deceased chief songwriter might have been part of the problem.

The Idler is all about international harmony and understanding, at least until the Marines arrive to settle everybody’s hash. And there’s no doubt these whackos could use a little temporary musical pick-me-up. Who knows, a  couple of old-timey classics and a some reworked pop tunes might swing them back onto Main Street, if you get our drift. Here’s a little ditty about the strain that a career in suicide bombing can place on a relationship:

to the tune of “Gentle On My Mind”
It’s knowing that your tent is always open
And your figs are nice and plump
That makes me tend to leave my rocket launcher
Stashed behind your ammo dump

And it’s knowing I won’t be there
When you go on your big “mission”
With high explosives strapped to your behind
That keeps me on the back roads
By the perimeter of the blast zone
And for hours I’ll have jihad on my mind

As the late Maher Meshaal himself found out, the extremism game can be a question of now you see him; now you don’t:

to the tune of Smoke Gets In Your Eyes
You ask me if I’ve seen
Your cousin, Hakeem
I of course reply
That drone that just passed by
Blew his butt sky high

Jazz standards might pose a problem for the mullahs, even hundred year old ones. On the other hand, it might not be a bad idea to get a few mujahideen locked up for whistling a jaunty tune.:

To the tune of “The Darktown Strutter’s Ball”
I’ll be down to get you on a camel honey
You’d better be ready around half past eight
Baby don’t ululate
I want to be there for the firing squad, honey

There are a lot more possibilities, especially if performers will agree to some minor alterations in their hit songs. For instance, the Bee Gees might be willing to perform, “How Deep Is Your Cave.” The surviving Beatles could turn out “Hey Mahmoud”  What about “On the Sunni Side of the Street”?  Maybe Tony Bennett would take a stab at it.  Oops, bad choice of words.

Comments – DickVerbo@hotmail.com  Also, Like “The Idler” on Facebook

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