Except for the traveling part, and the working half a year part, Catherine Deneuve is the Idler’s kind of gal. Oh yeah, except for the French part too. She was pretty hot in “Belle de Jour”, but all in all it’s a relatively confusing movie. First off it was in French so you had to read all these subtitles, and second, it had nothing to do with soup du jour. Hey, I was as blown away as you are. For all you could tell, there weren’t any bells ringing in it either. But the scenes with Catherine in them weren’t at all hard to look at, which made you apt to overlook the absence of the soup and the bells.
I suppose we shouldn’t hold the liking to travel part against her either. At an earlier stage of life the Idler was a traveling man for purposes of education, employment and the occasional outstanding warrant. But now that I’m older and all the statutes of limitations have expired except the one for cow tipping – those West Virginians are fanatical about their livestock – it seems like such a bother. Especially since we’re not a hot French chick who can just call the “concierge” and the “sommelier” and get a box of wine and a rack of ribs sent up any time we want. In fact, if you’re not staying at one of your ritzier motels with the complimentary breakfast, the Idler has two words for you and he’s not ashamed to say them: Waffle and House. I know, I know, there aren’t any in the neighborhood, and Brad and Angelina wouldn’t be caught dead in one. Not to mention Catherine Deneuve (“Deux oeufs, wreck ‘em!”). But you’re not any of those people; you’re someone who is far from home where no one you know will see you eating in a Waffle House. Besides, they whip it up right in front of you and it moves so fast it doesn’t have time to get stale. A lady of our acquaintance who is a seriously good cook says their omelets are so fluffy because they run them through a malt shop milkshake blender. Did you know FEMA monitors Waffle House availability? If one is closed during a storm they know it’s time to send in the troops.
Back in the day the Idler did most of his traveling in a six banger Chevy with no AC, no cruise control and no floorboards. No, haha, just kidding, we had pretty fair floorboard coverage most of the time. And depending on its state of repair you could amuse your friends with a rather convincing Fred Flintstone impression. Besides, with no AC, the enhanced air circulation is a real plus. The Idler had a lot of fun in that car. Later, circumstances mostly beyond his control caused him to buy a station wagon. Not as much fun was had in that vehicle.
Maybe it’s time to do some mid-life crisis traveling. I wonder if they could customize a Citroen with removable floorboards. The kind of car you could drive around Paris cruising for chicks. Or maybe pop a wheelie in front of “La Maison de Crepes.” You think Catherine Deneuve has ever seen the Flintstones?
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